1. Your wife will, at some point in the first year, go through some form of identity crisis. She’s no longer a sister, daughter, friend, or wife—she’s a mother. And however much a blessing that is, the nuances will screw with how she perceives the world and vice versa. When she’s locked herself in the bathroom over something seemingly trivial (no doubt fueled by exhaustion) and is ranting about who she is and what she’s become, be ready with kleenex and ice cream when she opens the door.
2. As much as you’re partners, your wife has 80% equity to your 20% (and the corresponding responsibilities). Your job is to be *great* dad, but in the early days it’s to be an *amazing* husband. PS. See point 1.
3. Sticking with the business metaphor: your kids are employees. You are owners. The company started long before with you and your wife and will keep going strong after the kids ship off to school. Kids are, oddly, temporary in a way that your spouse isn’t (or shouldn’t be). Yet so many couples build their lives *around* their kids, rather than *with* their kids. Subtle and overt pressures make this easy—like workaholics, you’re celebrated for how you slave over children—but over time this focus channels too much energy away from the core and couples drift, often putting their emotional needs into their children (who for many years easily give that energy back and replace the spouse). Be mindful of this. Remind yourselves that in order for the kids to be healthy, you both have to be healthy, with each other. Create this pattern from day one and never stop.
Today, San Francisco’s younger workers derive their job security not from any single employer but instead from a large network of weak ties that lasts from one company to the next. The density of cities favors this job-hopping behavior more than the relative isolation of suburbia.
Because of DIY, I just discovered my just turned five year old can read and write. I made him a profile so he could participate in DIY with his big brother. He’s been on it constantly, messing around, posting garble, or so I thought. When I took a closer look, however, I realized he’s captioning all his videos and photos with phonetic spelling..and he seems to be completing some of the challenges all on his own. Thanks for the motivation, DIY!
Buildings must always be built on those parts of the land which are in the worst condition, not the best.
Pattern #104 in Christopher Alexander’s Pattern Language.
What usually happens when someone thinks of building on a piece of land? He looks for the best site - where the grass is most beautiful, the trees most healthy, the slope of the land most even, the view most lovely, the soil most fertile - and that is just where he decides to put his house.
People always say to themselves, well, of course, we can always start another garden, build another trellis, put in another gravel path, put new crocuses in the new lawn, and the lizards will find some other pile of stones. But it just is not so.These simple things take years to grow - it isn’t all that easy to create them, just by wanting to. And every time we disturb one of these precious details, it may take twenty years, a lifetime even, before some comparable details grow again from our small daily acts.
If we always build on that part of the land which is most healthy, we can be virtually certain that a great deal of the land will always be less than healthy. If we want the land to be healthy all over - all of it - then we must do the opposite. We must treat every new act of building as an opportunity to mend some rent in the existing cloth; each act of building gives us the chance to make one of the ugliest and least healthy parts of the environment more healthy - as for those parts which are already healthy and beautiful - they of course need no attention. And in fact, we must discipline ourselves most strictly to leave them alone,so that our energy actually goes to the places which need it.
Creators make beauty by working in the ugly.